Tis the Night to be Horny
by evilsweet
Summary: In and Out, that's right Harry. In and out. What is Harry, Hermione, and Ron doing behind those doors?


Title: Tis the Night to be Horny  
Author: sweetevil  
Rating: K+  
Genre: Humour  
Warnings: Implication of Slash, total randomness  
Summary: A day at hogwarts where people are trying to find out what Harry, Ron and Hermione are up to  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or setting. Characters and settings are own by JK Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter series. I laid not copyrights and infrigment claims and no money is being made through the publishing of this fanfiction. 

**Tis the Night to be Horny**

Fred Weasley walked . . . no wait, he strolled down the corridor doors of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The time was way past midnight, but not early enough for dawn. It was somewhere in between. So Fred, who strolled down the halls of Hogwarts, was taking his pretty little time with a sneaky little smirk on his face.

The question is why would an innocent boy, who had just hit puberty, be wondering around the dungeon floor at this time at night? Now, now, get that dirty little thought out of your head. Fred is not the horny boy whom you were thinking about. Let me tell you what's going with the Weasley twin. I heard from a friend of a friend, of a friend, of a friend of mine, that they have something going on. Once again! I told you it's not the dirty little thing you are thinking about. Fred and George had a mission. A mission that was so secretive that the only worthy ones heard about it. A mission they called 'S'.

I could tell you what is Mission 'S', but you must prove yourself to be worthy first. Please, I advise you this is no joke! First take a look to your left, and kiss whatever you see. I don't care if it is your mother, your bother, your dogs or simply a white blank wall, just kiss it! All done? Good, now go grab a pair of panty and put in on your head then go outside to perform the chicken dance. Lastly, you have to lick my feet, don't worry I washed them . . . like last Sunday.

What was that? You asked how would these things you did prove you're worthy? Well, sorry honey, it had nothing to do with being worthy, but that was sure entertaining.

Now, there is no need to resort to violence, so put down your pitchforks. There's no need for a riot.

Alright, I'll tell you. Fred and George have been going around Hogwarts at this time of day to search for Snape. Mission S is to find or "stalk" out the truth that Snape is gay. Confused? Well deal with it.

Now back to the story. Fred strolled down the hall when suddenly high pitch giggles came down from the other end of the hall. His sleepy eyes may deceive him, but his ears never lie. Those giggles sounded very familiar to him. He began to track down the voice. Fred indeed wasn't a horny boy, I didn't lie to you about that, but he is however, a boy with experiences. Fred recognized that type of giggles, especially what a high teasing giggle meant. Fred heard that type giggling before. Boy, did he ever. Katie Bell would giggle for him, in what Fred called 'private midnight quidditch practice', if you catch my drift. She would giggle whenever she rode on his freakishly large peni- . . . err..I mean broomstick.

Fred stood in front of the potion dungeon door, that was where the giggling stopped. He placed his ear against the door and like thin paper, he heard things. There wasn't just one person inside the room, but two.

"Oh, Harry. Do you think we should do this?" Complained a voice.

Fred eyes widened, he knew the voice belonged to Hermione, the bookworm, and with her was Harry Potter, the boy who lived. Fred placed a hand over his mouth to stop himself from laughing.

"Shush," he hushed himself as he continued listening

"Hermione, come on don't be scared. You weren't afraid last night," replied Harry.

"Yea. I know. But this is just so wrong, Harry. Why do I feel so dirty?" Asked Hermione.

"It's not dirty. It's a beautiful thing to do and it makes you happy right?" Asked Harry.

"Of course. I feel happy," answered Hermione.

"Than what's wrong? I'm happy and you're happy," said Harry.

Fred can't take any more of this. After all Hermione was Ron's girlfriend and Harry was Ginny's boyfriend. He was about to push open the door when . . .

"Hey Fred!" George popped in and shouted in his ear.

"Shush!" Hushed Fred. He placed his hand over George's mouth before he could say anything else. "You have to stay very quiet, George. Harry and Hermione are getting their things on." Said Fred as he released his hand.

"What in Merlin's beard! They are getting it on in there? Damn," whistled George, looking impressed. "Let me hear." 

Both of them leaned in and listened to the voices from the other side.

"Hermione, it's so tense here. Have you been stressing? Here let me help you get that out a bit," suggested Harry from inside the room.

"Harry," giggled Hermione. "That's my shirt. Oh stop, you're tickling me."

"Not so loud, Hermione. Every time we do this, you always wake Ron up," said Harry. "How is this?"

"Oh. Oh Harry. That's perfect, oh yes. Do that, I like that," Hermione replied. "But Harry, you don't have quick hands like Ron do."

"Ron's hands are quick and soft," added Harry. "Let's get Ron up. Hey Ron!" Shouted Harry.

Fred and George pulled back from the door.

"Ron?" They both said at the same time and shocked to discover that their little brother was part of this.

"Aww. Why is Ron the lucky one. This got me wondering, George. Why can't we find a girl that don't mind. They have to know that twins share," suggested Fred, winking at George and hoping he was thinking the same thing.

George placed a smile on his face."So are you offering Katie to me then?" This made Fred blushed scarlet.

"Never mind that. We have to stop them. A threesome, are they nuts! Poor Ginny," whispered George. He was about to push open the door when . . .

"You dirt poor Weasley! What the hell are you doing here? Stealing to feed the rest of the family, I suppose!" Hackled Malfoy and along side of him was Pansy with a smirk on her face.

"Shush," hissed Fred and George as they place their hand to gag Malfoy and Pansy's mouths before they can say anything else.

"Harry and Hermione -"

"And Ron is in there getting it on. So shut up, Ferret Boy!" Said George.

"Why didn't you say so, Wealsey?" Said Malfoy, as Fred released him. "Scar face, a dirt poor Weasley and Mudblood. Are they putting on a freak show? Heck what am I saying, where can I watch this."

Pansy nudged Malfoy in the rib, catching him off guard. Then she scowled.

"What do you expect Pansy? I'm telling you, I'm getting nothing at all from her," said Malfoy to Fred and George. The twins nodded in unison as reply.

All four of them looked at each other and then they placed their ear against the door to listen.

"Ron. Come here and join us. We really need your help especially with those quick hands of yours," said Harry.

"Already ahead of you, Mate," stated Ron. "I got the skirt undone."

"Give me your shirt, Harry and you too, Ron," said Hermione. "I'll wait for you both on the table."

Fred, George, Malfoy and Pansy listened in deeper as the sound faded slightly. There was some banging sounds, a cough from Ron, and then Hermione's high giggles.

"I told you Ron has nice hands. Ooh. He works just fine," said Hermione.

"See there is where you are wrong, Hermione. Ron's quick hands couldn't get this," interrupted Harry.

"Oh what's wrong. Please don't tell me this night is going to be ruin." complained Hermione, followed by a sigh.

Fred, George, Malfoy and Pansy shoved each other to get the perfect place to listen to what was happening. There were footsteps walking all over the stone floor of the room. All four of them waited in excited silent to hear what was happening. What Ron's quick hands couldn't get?

"The button of Harry's pant is jammed. I can't get it loose," said Ron at last.

"Are you sure Ron? Is it really stuck?" Asked Hermione. "Oh boy, it won't move. Don't worry, Ron. I have a charm that could disarm Harry's pant in less than five second flat."

In the hall, all four of them groaned.

"All this is just because they couldn't get Harry's pant button," said Fred. "Bloody-"

"Five seconds flat," said Malfoy, rubbing his chin. "If Potter wants it done faster, I could have sent in Pansy. Trust me she could get the job done in one second."

"Urgg. Shut up Malfoy!" Shouted Pansy, smacking Malfoy on the head. "You know that this is wrong. As much as I like to hear them doing it. I going in to bust them and ruin their night."

"Nooo!" Shouted Malfoy, Fred and George together. They made a leap for Pansy but miss her.

Pansy was about to open the door when . . .

"Hey Colin. It's a troll! Quick get a picture before he escapes!" Shouted Jordan Lee. Colin, with his camera, took a picture of Pansy.

"Troll? Hey Lee that's not a troll," stated Colin, looking up at Pansy.

"Shush!" Hushed Fred, George, Malfoy and Pansy. They placed their hand over Jordan's and Colin's mouth before they can say another word.

"Hermione, Harry and Ron," began Fred.

"Are inside this room," continued George.

"They are getting it on," said Malfoy.

"So be quiet and I'm not a troll!" Shouted Pansy.

"Shush!" 

"Really all three of them?" Asked Jordan, with his eyes widened in excitement of the images inside his head.

"Great. I got a camera in case we need it," suggested Colin.

All six of them lined up against the door and listened to the other side.

"Oh..oh..That's right Ron. In and out, in and out," directed Hermione. "In and out. Come on faster Ron. In and out."

"I'm going as fast as I could, Herm," said Ron. "But I can't do it that fast."

"What's wrong with you, Ron? You may have quick hands but you're not very good with this," said Hermione. "In and out. What's so hard with that?"

"I wouldn't be talking, Hermione. I'm doing all the work," Ron replied.

"Uh oh. Looks like trouble in paradise," said Lee, outside the hall.

"Man. Who knew Mudblood is such a beast," said Malfoy. "Did you hear her? In and out, in and out. Ron..Oh faster, faster." Malfoy tried to mock Hermione.

"Ok. I'll be the first to say this. This is stupid. Let's tell them to get out. Colin, get your camera ready for photos," said Lee. "We had to do this before Snape finds out."

Lee was about to push the door open when . . .

"Don't what me to find out about what?" Questioned a voice.

All six heads turned to find Snape emerging from the shadows. Along side with him was the Dark Lord, Voldemort.

"Wands out!" Shouted Fred.

All four of them, expect for Pansy and Malfoy, held out their wands and pointed at Lord Voldemort and Snape.

"What's the meaning of this?" Shouted Snape.

"Shush." They hushed him.

"Don't you shush me, pathetic children!" Barked the Dark Lord. With a flick of his wand, all six of them were sent crashing to the opposite wall.

"Now let us see what Potter is up to," said Snape. "This should be good my master."

Snape and Lord Voldemort listened against the door.

"Ohh. Harry please be gentle. Be gentle," came Hermione's voice.

"You know Hermione. I had a vision yesterday," announced Harry.

"Oh. In and out, Harry. Yes please tell me about it," urged Hermione.

"My scar hurt. I saw them," said Harry.

"Who? Lord Voldemort. You always see him-"

"No Hermione. I saw them. He and Snape. They were doing the nasty. What do you think my dream is trying to tell me?" Asked Harry.

Fred, George, Malfoy, Pansy, Jordan, and Colin crawled their way back to the wall and were listening with Snape and Lord Voldemort.

"I don't know Harry. But according to logic. Your dream is telling you that Snape is a homosexual who is very troubled by his sexuality. He is expressing his passionate, yet normal, love with Lord Voldemort. Since you are not a normal person and your dreams about Voldemort usually means they are real. So therefore, they expressing passionate love for each other," informed Hermione.

"Hermione, you're so smart," said Harry.

"No Harry. It's just simple logic. You can't beat that," replied Hermione.

Outside the hall, all six eyes stared at Snape and Voldemort with eyes wide opened and jaws hung down low.

"What?" Asked Snape. "Yes. Guilty as charge. I'm in love with Voldie."

"And I'm in love with Snapie."

They merged each other and began kissing madly, expressing their love.

"Please pass the bucket. I'm going to throw up," said Fred, averting his eyes. "There goes our Mission S.

"Now to my plan!" Shouted Lord Voldemort after his passionate kiss. "Time to kill that Potter."

Lord Voldemort was about to open the door when...

"What is the meaning of this?" Demanded a voice. They all turned around to fine Professor McGongall standing in front of them, looking sternly.

Professor McGongall looked around at everyone.

"My goodness. Fred, George, Draco, Pansy, Jordan and Colin what are you doing out of your dorm? And you Snape...Lord Voldemort, old dear!" She shouted.

"Shush." They all said.

"I will not be shushed. I demand to know what this is about. Why are you all listening to the wall for?"Asked Professor McGongall. "Now, now don't try to stop me." She placed her ear against the door and listened.

"Oh Ron, Oh Harry that's it. In and out...Yea. Yea..Ah..In and out!" Screamed Hermione's voice.

"My heavens," said Professor McGongall , who was startled at what she heard. "I had never-why Ms. Granger, Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley. I will not put up with this."

Professor McGongall pushed open the door to the dungeon.

What they all expected to find were fully naked people, but instead they were fully dressed.

All around the floor were Hogwarts' skirts, pants and shirts. Hermione, Harry and Ron sat on the table and were holding sewing needles in their hands. Hermione held out a Hogwarts' shirt in one hand and a pant in the other. Ron and Harry were sewing thread in and out the clothing, repairing the damage rips and holes in their uniforms. They looked shock to find nine pairs of eyes staring at them.

"You three were sewing!" Shouted all nine voices.

Yes. Hermione, Harry and Ron were just sewing. What? What did you think they were doing in there. Thinking about the nasty dirty little thing huh? Shame on you! Who am I you ask?

Well. You may never know, but I'll be watching you and everything that happens around Hogwarts.

_The End. _


End file.
